To make the choices no one wants to.
To make the sacrifices no one should.
To live the life no one would.
I do this all, so others may live the way they deserve to.
I tried.
All I ever tried was to do right. Not by me, but by others.
And I have done that, I have followed that path, but I’ve made dear sacrifices.
Sacrifices no one should make.
By now I’ve already accepted the fact that I will most likely never be fully okay. Some wounds go too deep to be healed.
What hurts me deeply though is that my choice of living, a choice that I thought would prohibit others of worrying over me, did the exact opposite.
Everyone has their own worries, and most of the people don’t even know how to handle them, why should I then, someone insignificant, burden them with mine?
No, my burdens are mine and mine alone, yet my friends are forced to slowly see me losing grip on my own life.
I tried to be happy. Not once, but multiple times and it all had one thing in comment: sabotage.
I sabotage my own happiness, either to benefit those who I believe deserve it more, or just because I believe I don’t deserve it all.
I still punish myself for inadequacy I have portrayed over the years, with outcomes that are now those wounds which go too deep.
It’s this moral code I have for myself, an unrealistic code, but one I keep to strongly. If I cannot come out of something alone, how am I fit to help others, how do I deserve to live a life of happiness?
Harsh reality would be that some people just can’t be saved…… and some just don’t want to be.
